Watch Two and a Half Men Online

Name: Two and a Half Men | Type: Comedy | Run Time: 2003
Network: CBS
IMDB Rating: 7.1
Sessons: 11
Full Episodes: 235
Streamed:
Two and a Half Men Series
Full Show Summary: The Harper brothers Charlie and Alan are almost opposites but form a great team. They have little in common except their dislike for their mundane, maternally cold and domineering mother, Evelyn. Alan, a compulsively neat chiropractor and control-freak, is thrown out by his manipulative wife Judith who nevertheless gets him to pay for everything and do most jobs in the house. Charlie is a freelance jingle composer and irresistible Cassanova who lives in a luxurious beach-house and rarely gets up before noon. Charlie "temporarily" allows Alan and his son Jake, a food-obsessed, lazy school kid who shuttles between his parents, to move in with them after Alan's separation/divorce. The sitcom revolves around their conflicting lifestyles, raising Jake (who has the efficient, caring dad while having a ball with his fun-loving sugar uncle who teaches him boyish things), and bantering with Evelyn and various other friends and family. Other fairly regular characters include Charlie's cleaning lady Berta and his rich, self-confessed stalker neighbor Rose who often sneaks in to spy on Charlie. Download Two and a Half Men Free
  • Episodes
  • Cast
Date Aried Watch Two and a Half Men Episodes:
Season 1
???? Season 1, Episode 0: Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal: Original Pilot
22 September 2003 Season 1, Episode 1: Pilot
29 September 2003 Season 1, Episode 2: Big Flappy Bastards
06 October 2003 Season 1, Episode 3: Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
13 October 2003 Season 1, Episode 4: If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap
20 October 2003 Season 1, Episode 5: The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump
27 October 2003 Season 1, Episode 6: Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
03 November 2003 Season 1, Episode 7: If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
10 November 2003 Season 1, Episode 8: Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
17 November 2003 Season 1, Episode 9: Phase One, Complete
24 November 2003 Season 1, Episode 10: Merry Thanksgiving
15 December 2003 Season 1, Episode 11: Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
05 January 2004 Season 1, Episode 12: Camel Filters + Pheromones
12 January 2004 Season 1, Episode 13: Sarah Like Puny Alan
02 February 2004 Season 1, Episode 14: I Can't Afford Hyenas
09 February 2004 Season 1, Episode 15: Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (1)
16 February 2004 Season 1, Episode 16: That Was Saliva, Alan (2)
23 February 2004 Season 1, Episode 17: Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats
01 March 2004 Season 1, Episode 18: An Old Flame With a New Wick
22 March 2004 Season 1, Episode 19: I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
19 April 2004 Season 1, Episode 20: Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
03 May 2004 Season 1, Episode 21: No Sniffing, No Wowing
10 May 2004 Season 1, Episode 22: My Doctor has a Cow Puppet
17 May 2004 Season 1, Episode 23: Just Like Buffalo
24 May 2004 Season 1, Episode 24: Can You Feel My Finger?
Season 2
20 September 2004 Season 2, Episode 1: Back Off Mary Poppins
27 September 2004 Season 2, Episode 2: Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
04 October 2004 Season 2, Episode 3: A Bag Full of Jawea
11 October 2004 Season 2, Episode 4: Go Get Mommy's Bra
18 October 2004 Season 2, Episode 5: Bad News from the Clinic
25 October 2004 Season 2, Episode 6: The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
08 November 2004 Season 2, Episode 7: A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
15 November 2004 Season 2, Episode 8: Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
22 November 2004 Season 2, Episode 9: Yes, Monsignor
29 November 2004 Season 2, Episode 10: The Salmon Under My Sweater
13 December 2004 Season 2, Episode 11: Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
03 January 2005 Season 2, Episode 12: A Lungful of Alan
17 January 2005 Season 2, Episode 13: Zejdz z Moich Wlosów a.k.a. Get Off My Hair
31 January 2005 Season 2, Episode 14: Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
07 February 2005 Season 2, Episode 15: Smell the Umbrella Stand
14 February 2005 Season 2, Episode 16: Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?
21 February 2005 Season 2, Episode 17: Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!
07 March 2005 Season 2, Episode 18: It Was Mame, Mom
21 March 2005 Season 2, Episode 19: A Low, Gutteral Tongue-Flapping Noise
18 April 2005 Season 2, Episode 20: I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
02 May 2005 Season 2, Episode 21: A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
09 May 2005 Season 2, Episode 22: That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
16 May 2005 Season 2, Episode 23: Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
23 May 2005 Season 2, Episode 24: Does This Smell Funny to You?
Season 3
19 September 2005 Season 3, Episode 1: Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
26 September 2005 Season 3, Episode 2: Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
03 October 2005 Season 3, Episode 3: Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
10 October 2005 Season 3, Episode 4: Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
17 October 2005 Season 3, Episode 5: We Called It Mr. Pinky
24 October 2005 Season 3, Episode 6: Hi, Mr. Horned One
07 November 2005 Season 3, Episode 7: Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
14 November 2005 Season 3, Episode 8: That Voodoo That I Do Do
21 November 2005 Season 3, Episode 9: Madame and Her Special Friend
28 November 2005 Season 3, Episode 10: Something Salted and Twisted
19 December 2005 Season 3, Episode 11: Santa's Village of the Damned
09 January 2006 Season 3, Episode 12: That Special Tug
23 January 2006 Season 3, Episode 13: Humiliation is a Visual Medium
06 February 2006 Season 3, Episode 14: Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
27 February 2006 Season 3, Episode 15: My Tongue is Meat
06 March 2006 Season 3, Episode 16: Ergo, The Booty Call
13 March 2006 Season 3, Episode 17: The Unfortunate Little Schnauser
20 March 2006 Season 3, Episode 18: The Spit-Covered Cobbler
10 April 2006 Season 3, Episode 19: Golly Moses, She's A Muffin
24 April 2006 Season 3, Episode 20: Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
01 May 2006 Season 3, Episode 21: And the Plot Moistens
08 May 2006 Season 3, Episode 22: Just Once With Aunt Sophie
15 May 2006 Season 3, Episode 23: Arguments for the Quickie
22 May 2006 Season 3, Episode 24: That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Season 4
18 September 2006 Season 4, Episode 1: Working for Caligula
25 September 2006 Season 4, Episode 2: Who's Vod Kanockers
02 October 2006 Season 4, Episode 3: The Sea is a Harsh Mistress
09 October 2006 Season 4, Episode 4: A Pot Smoking Monkey
16 October 2006 Season 4, Episode 5: A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
23 October 2006 Season 4, Episode 6: Apologies for the Frivolity
06 November 2006 Season 4, Episode 7: Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
13 November 2006 Season 4, Episode 8: Release the Dogs
20 November 2006 Season 4, Episode 9: Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
27 November 2006 Season 4, Episode 10: Kissing Abraham Lincoln
11 December 2006 Season 4, Episode 11: Walnuts and Demerol
08 January 2007 Season 4, Episode 12: Castrating Sheep in Montana
22 January 2007 Season 4, Episode 13: Don't Worry, Speed Racer
05 February 2007 Season 4, Episode 14: That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
12 February 2007 Season 4, Episode 15: My Damn Stalker
19 February 2007 Season 4, Episode 16: Young People Have Phlegm Too
26 February 2007 Season 4, Episode 17: I Merely Slept with a Commie
19 March 2007 Season 4, Episode 18: It Never Rains in Hooterville
09 April 2007 Season 4, Episode 19: Smooth as a Ken Doll (1)
16 April 2007 Season 4, Episode 20: Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot (2)
23 April 2007 Season 4, Episode 21: Tucked, Taped & Gorgeous
30 April 2007 Season 4, Episode 22: Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
07 May 2007 Season 4, Episode 23: Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin
14 May 2007 Season 4, Episode 24: Prostitutes and Gelato
Season 5
24 September 2007 Season 5, Episode 1: Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
01 October 2007 Season 5, Episode 2: Media Room Slash Dungeon
08 October 2007 Season 5, Episode 3: Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
15 October 2007 Season 5, Episode 4: City of Great Racks
22 October 2007 Season 5, Episode 5: Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
29 October 2007 Season 5, Episode 6: Help Daddy Find His Toenail
05 November 2007 Season 5, Episode 7: The Leather Gear Is In The Guest Room
12 November 2007 Season 5, Episode 8: Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
19 November 2007 Season 5, Episode 9: Tight's Good
26 November 2007 Season 5, Episode 10: Kinda Like Necrophilia
17 March 2008 Season 5, Episode 11: Meander To Your Dander
24 March 2008 Season 5, Episode 12: A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
31 March 2008 Season 5, Episode 13: The Soil is Moist
14 April 2008 Season 5, Episode 14: Winky-Dink Time
21 April 2008 Season 5, Episode 15: Rough Night in Hump Junction
28 April 2008 Season 5, Episode 16: Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
05 May 2008 Season 5, Episode 17: Fish in a Drawer
12 May 2008 Season 5, Episode 18: If My Hole Could Talk
19 May 2008 Season 5, Episode 19: Waiting for the Right Snapper
Season 6
22 September 2008 Season 6, Episode 1: Taterhead Is Our Love Child
29 September 2008 Season 6, Episode 2: Pie Hole, Herb
06 October 2008 Season 6, Episode 3: Damn You, Eggs Benedict
13 October 2008 Season 6, Episode 4: The Flavin' and the Mavin'
20 October 2008 Season 6, Episode 5: A Jock Strap In Hell
03 November 2008 Season 6, Episode 6: It's Always Nazi Week
10 November 2008 Season 6, Episode 7: Best H.O. Money Can Buy
17 November 2008 Season 6, Episode 8: Pinocchio's Mouth
24 November 2008 Season 6, Episode 9: The Mooch At The Boo
08 December 2008 Season 6, Episode 10: He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
15 December 2008 Season 6, Episode 11: The Devil's Lube
12 January 2009 Season 6, Episode 12: Thank God for Scoliosis
19 January 2009 Season 6, Episode 13: I Think You Offended Don
02 February 2009 Season 6, Episode 14: David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
09 February 2009 Season 6, Episode 15: I'd Like to Start With the Cat
02 March 2009 Season 6, Episode 16: She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime
09 March 2009 Season 6, Episode 17: The 'Ocu' Or The 'Pado'?
16 March 2009 Season 6, Episode 18: My Son's Enormous Head
30 March 2009 Season 6, Episode 19: The Two Finger Rule
13 April 2009 Season 6, Episode 20: Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
27 April 2009 Season 6, Episode 21: Above Exalted Cyclops
04 May 2009 Season 6, Episode 22: Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
11 May 2009 Season 6, Episode 23: Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
18 May 2009 Season 6, Episode 24: Baseball with Better Steroids
Season 7
21 September 2009 Season 7, Episode 1: 818-jklpuzo
28 September 2009 Season 7, Episode 2: Whipped Unto the Third Generation
05 October 2009 Season 7, Episode 3: Mmm, fish. Yum.
12 October 2009 Season 7, Episode 4: Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
19 October 2009 Season 7, Episode 5: For the Sake of the Child
02 November 2009 Season 7, Episode 6: Give Me Your Thumb
09 November 2009 Season 7, Episode 7: Untainted by Filth
16 November 2009 Season 7, Episode 8: Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
23 November 2009 Season 7, Episode 9: Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
07 December 2009 Season 7, Episode 10: That's Why They Call It Ball Room
14 December 2009 Season 7, Episode 11: Warning, It's Dirty
11 January 2010 Season 7, Episode 12: Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
18 January 2010 Season 7, Episode 13: Yay, No Polyps!
01 February 2010 Season 7, Episode 14: Crude and Uncalled For
08 February 2010 Season 7, Episode 15: Aye, Aye, Captain
01 March 2010 Season 7, Episode 16: Tinkle Like a Princess
08 March 2010 Season 7, Episode 17: I Found Your Mustache
22 March 2010 Season 7, Episode 18: Ixnay on the Oggie Day
12 April 2010 Season 7, Episode 19: Keith Moon is Vomiting in his Grave
10 May 2010 Season 7, Episode 20: I Called Him Magoo
17 May 2010 Season 7, Episode 21: Gumby with a Pokey
24 May 2010 Season 7, Episode 22: This Is Not Gonna End Well
Season 8
20 September 2010 Season 8, Episode 1: Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
27 September 2010 Season 8, Episode 2: A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
04 October 2010 Season 8, Episode 3: A Pudding-Filled Cactus
11 October 2010 Season 8, Episode 4: Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
18 October 2010 Season 8, Episode 5: The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
25 October 2010 Season 8, Episode 6: Twanging Your Magic Clanger
01 November 2010 Season 8, Episode 7: The Crazy Bitch Gazette
08 November 2010 Season 8, Episode 8: Springtime On A Stick
15 November 2010 Season 8, Episode 9: A Good Time in Central Africa
22 November 2010 Season 8, Episode 10: Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
06 December 2010 Season 8, Episode 11: Dead From The Waist Down
13 December 2010 Season 8, Episode 12: Chocolate Diddlers Or My Puppy's Dead
03 January 2011 Season 8, Episode 13: Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup
17 January 2011 Season 8, Episode 14: Lookin' for Japanese Subs
07 February 2011 Season 8, Episode 15: Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
14 February 2011 Season 8, Episode 16: That Darn Priest
Season 9
19 September 2011 Season 9, Episode 1: Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt (1)
26 September 2011 Season 9, Episode 2: People Who Love Peepholes (2)
03 October 2011 Season 9, Episode 3: Big Girls Don't Throw Food
10 October 2011 Season 9, Episode 4: Nine Magic Fingers
17 October 2011 Season 9, Episode 5: A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
24 October 2011 Season 9, Episode 6: The Squat and The Hover
31 October 2011 Season 9, Episode 7: Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
07 November 2011 Season 9, Episode 8: Thank You For The Intercourse
14 November 2011 Season 9, Episode 9: Frodo’s Headshots
21 November 2011 Season 9, Episode 10: A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
05 December 2011 Season 9, Episode 11: What a Lovely Landing Strip
12 December 2011 Season 9, Episode 12: One False Move, Zimbabwe!
02 January 2012 Season 9, Episode 13: Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
16 January 2012 Season 9, Episode 14: A Possum on Chemo
06 February 2012 Season 9, Episode 15: The Duchess of Dull-In-Sack
13 February 2012 Season 9, Episode 16: Sips, Sonnets And Sodomy
20 February 2012 Season 9, Episode 17: Not In My Mouth
27 February 2012 Season 9, Episode 18: The War Against Gingivitis
19 March 2012 Season 9, Episode 19: Palmdale, Ech
09 April 2012 Season 9, Episode 20: Grandma's Pie
16 April 2012 Season 9, Episode 21: Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'
30 April 2012 Season 9, Episode 22: Why We Gave Up Women
07 May 2012 Season 9, Episode 23: The Straw In My Donut Hole
14 May 2012 Season 9, Episode 24: Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
Season 10
27 September 2012 Season 10, Episode 1: I Changed My Mind About the Milk
04 October 2012 Season 10, Episode 2: A Big Bag of Dog
11 October 2012 Season 10, Episode 3: Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
18 October 2012 Season 10, Episode 4: You Do Know What The Lollipop Is For
25 October 2012 Season 10, Episode 5: That's Not What They Call It In Amsterdam
01 November 2012 Season 10, Episode 6: Ferrets, Attack!
08 November 2012 Season 10, Episode 7: Avoid the Chinese Mustard
15 November 2012 Season 10, Episode 8: Something My Gynecologist Said
29 November 2012 Season 10, Episode 9: I Scream When I Pee
06 December 2012 Season 10, Episode 10: One Nut Johnson
13 December 2012 Season 10, Episode 11: Give Santa A Tail-Hole
03 January 2013 Season 10, Episode 12: Welcome to Alancrest
10 January 2013 Season 10, Episode 13: Grab A Feather And Get In Line
31 January 2013 Season 10, Episode 14: Run, Steven Staven! Run!
07 February 2013 Season 10, Episode 15: Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
14 February 2013 Season 10, Episode 16: Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
21 February 2013 Season 10, Episode 17: Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
07 March 2013 Season 10, Episode 18: The 9:04 From Pemberton
14 March 2013 Season 10, Episode 19: Big Episode. Someone Stole A Spoon
04 April 2013 Season 10, Episode 20: Bazinga! That's From A TV Show
25 April 2013 Season 10, Episode 21: Another Night With Neil Diamond
02 May 2013 Season 10, Episode 22: My Bodacious Vidalia
09 May 2013 Season 10, Episode 23: Cows, Prepare To Be Tipped
Season 11
26 September 2013 Season 11, Episode 1: Nangnangnangnang
03 October 2013 Season 11, Episode 2: I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
10 October 2013 Season 11, Episode 3: This Unblessed Biscuit
17 October 2013 Season 11, Episode 4: Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
24 October 2013 Season 11, Episode 5: Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
07 November 2013 Season 11, Episode 6: Justice In Star-Spangled Hot Pants
14 November 2013 Season 11, Episode 7: Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
21 November 2013 Season 11, Episode 8: Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room
05 December 2013 Season 11, Episode 9: Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
12 December 2013 Season 11, Episode 10: On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!