| Date Aired |
Watch Two and a Half Men Episodes: (Episodes RSS  ) |
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| Season 1 | |
| ???? |
Season 1, Episode 0: Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal: Original Pilot
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| 22 September 2003 |
Season 1, Episode 1: Pilot
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| 29 September 2003 |
Season 1, Episode 2: Big Flappy Bastards
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| 6 October 2003 |
Season 1, Episode 3: Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
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| 13 October 2003 |
Season 1, Episode 4: If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
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| 20 October 2003 |
Season 1, Episode 5: The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
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| 27 October 2003 |
Season 1, Episode 6: Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
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| 3 November 2003 |
Season 1, Episode 7: If They Do Go Either Way They're Usually Fake
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| 10 November 2003 |
Season 1, Episode 8: Twenty-five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
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| 17 November 2003 |
Season 1, Episode 9: Phase One, Complete
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| 24 November 2003 |
Season 1, Episode 10: Merry Thanksgiving
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| 15 December 2003 |
Season 1, Episode 11: Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
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| 5 January 2004 |
Season 1, Episode 12: Camel Filters and Pheremones
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| 12 January 2004 |
Season 1, Episode 13: Sarah Like Puny Alan
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| 2 February 2004 |
Season 1, Episode 14: I Can't Afford Hyenas
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| 9 February 2004 |
Season 1, Episode 15: Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
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| 16 February 2004 |
Season 1, Episode 16: That Was Saliva, Alan
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| 23 February 2004 |
Season 1, Episode 17: Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
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| 1 March 2004 |
Season 1, Episode 18: An Old Flame with a New Wick
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| 22 March 2004 |
Season 1, Episode 19: I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
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| 19 April 2004 |
Season 1, Episode 20: Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
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| 3 May 2004 |
Season 1, Episode 21: No Sniffing, No Wowing
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| 10 May 2004 |
Season 1, Episode 22: My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
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| 17 May 2004 |
Season 1, Episode 23: Just Like Buffalo
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| 24 May 2004 |
Season 1, Episode 24: Can You Feel My Finger
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| Season 2 | |
| 20 September 2004 |
Season 2, Episode 1: Back Off Mary Poppins
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| 27 September 2004 |
Season 2, Episode 2: Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
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| 4 October 2004 |
Season 2, Episode 3: A Bag Full of Jawea
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| 11 October 2004 |
Season 2, Episode 4: Go Get Mommy's Bra
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| 18 October 2004 |
Season 2, Episode 5: Bad News from the Clinic
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| 25 October 2004 |
Season 2, Episode 6: The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
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| 8 November 2004 |
Season 2, Episode 7: A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
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| 15 November 2004 |
Season 2, Episode 8: Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
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| 22 November 2004 |
Season 2, Episode 9: Yes, Monsignor
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| 29 November 2004 |
Season 2, Episode 10: The Salmon Under My Sweater
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| 13 December 2004 |
Season 2, Episode 11: Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
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| 3 January 2005 |
Season 2, Episode 12: A Lung Full of Alan
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| 17 January 2005 |
Season 2, Episode 13: Zejdz z Zmoich Wlosów
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| 31 January 2005 |
Season 2, Episode 14: Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
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| 7 February 2005 |
Season 2, Episode 15: Smell the Umbrella Stand
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| 14 February 2005 |
Season 2, Episode 16: Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
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| 21 February 2005 |
Season 2, Episode 17: Woo-Hoo, a Hernia-Exam!
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| 7 March 2005 |
Season 2, Episode 18: It Was Mame, Mom
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| 21 March 2005 |
Season 2, Episode 19: A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
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| 18 April 2005 |
Season 2, Episode 20: I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
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| 2 May 2005 |
Season 2, Episode 21: A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
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| 9 May 2005 |
Season 2, Episode 22: That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
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| 16 May 2005 |
Season 2, Episode 23: Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
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| 23 May 2005 |
Season 2, Episode 24: Does This Smell Funny to You
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| Season 3 | |
| 19 September 2005 |
Season 3, Episode 1: Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
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| 26 September 2005 |
Season 3, Episode 2: Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
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| 3 October 2005 |
Season 3, Episode 3: Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
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| 10 October 2005 |
Season 3, Episode 4: Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
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| 17 October 2005 |
Season 3, Episode 5: We Called It Mr. Pinky
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| 24 October 2005 |
Season 3, Episode 6: Hi, Mr. Horned One
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| 7 November 2005 |
Season 3, Episode 7: Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
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| 14 November 2005 |
Season 3, Episode 8: That Voodoo That I Do Do
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| 21 November 2005 |
Season 3, Episode 9: Madame and Her Special Friend
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| 28 November 2005 |
Season 3, Episode 10: Something Salted and Twisted
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| 19 December 2005 |
Season 3, Episode 11: Santa's Village of the Damned
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| 9 January 2006 |
Season 3, Episode 12: That Special Tug
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| 23 January 2006 |
Season 3, Episode 13: Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
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| 6 February 2006 |
Season 3, Episode 14: Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
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| 27 February 2006 |
Season 3, Episode 15: My Tongue Is Meat
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| 6 March 2006 |
Season 3, Episode 16: Ergo, the Booty Call
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| 13 March 2006 |
Season 3, Episode 17: The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer
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| 20 March 2006 |
Season 3, Episode 18: The Spit-Covered Cobbler
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| 10 April 2006 |
Season 3, Episode 19: Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
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| 24 April 2006 |
Season 3, Episode 20: Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
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| 1 May 2006 |
Season 3, Episode 21: And the Plot Moistens
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| 8 May 2006 |
Season 3, Episode 22: Just Once with Aunt Sophie
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| 15 May 2006 |
Season 3, Episode 23: Arguments for the Quickie
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| 22 May 2006 |
Season 3, Episode 24: That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
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| Season 4 | |
| 18 September 2006 |
Season 4, Episode 1: Working for Caligula
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| 25 September 2006 |
Season 4, Episode 2: Who's Vod Kanockers
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| 2 October 2006 |
Season 4, Episode 3: The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
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| 9 October 2006 |
Season 4, Episode 4: A Pot Smoking Monkey
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| 16 October 2006 |
Season 4, Episode 5: A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
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| 23 October 2006 |
Season 4, Episode 6: Apologies for the Frivolity
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| 30 October 2006 |
Season 4, Episode 7: Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
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| 13 November 2006 |
Season 4, Episode 8: Release the Dogs
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| 20 November 2006 |
Season 4, Episode 9: Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
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| 27 November 2006 |
Season 4, Episode 10: Kissing Abraham Lincoln
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| 11 December 2006 |
Season 4, Episode 11: Walnuts and Demerol
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| 8 January 2007 |
Season 4, Episode 12: Castrating Sheep in Montana
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| 22 January 2007 |
Season 4, Episode 13: Don't Worry, Speed Racer
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| 5 February 2007 |
Season 4, Episode 14: That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
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| 12 February 2007 |
Season 4, Episode 15: My Damn Stalker
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| 19 February 2007 |
Season 4, Episode 16: Young People Have Phlegm Too
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| 26 February 2007 |
Season 4, Episode 17: I Merely Slept with a Commie
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| 19 March 2007 |
Season 4, Episode 18: It Never Rains in Hooterville
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| 9 April 2007 |
Season 4, Episode 19: Smooth as a Ken Doll
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| 16 April 2007 |
Season 4, Episode 20: Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
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| 23 April 2007 |
Season 4, Episode 21: Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
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| 30 April 2007 |
Season 4, Episode 22: Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
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| 7 May 2007 |
Season 4, Episode 23: Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin
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| 14 May 2007 |
Season 4, Episode 24: Prostitutes and Gelato
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| Season 5 | |
| 24 September 2007 |
Season 5, Episode 1: Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
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| 1 October 2007 |
Season 5, Episode 2: Media Room Slash Dungeon
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| 8 October 2007 |
Season 5, Episode 3: Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
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| 15 October 2007 |
Season 5, Episode 4: City of Great Racks
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| 22 October 2007 |
Season 5, Episode 5: Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
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| 29 October 2007 |
Season 5, Episode 6: Help Daddy Find His Toenail
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| 5 November 2007 |
Season 5, Episode 7: The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
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| 12 November 2007 |
Season 5, Episode 8: Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
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| 19 November 2007 |
Season 5, Episode 9: Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids
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| 26 November 2007 |
Season 5, Episode 10: Kinda Like Necrophilia
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| 17 March 2008 |
Season 5, Episode 11: Meander to Your Dander
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| 24 March 2008 |
Season 5, Episode 12: A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
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| 31 March 2008 |
Season 5, Episode 13: The Soil is Moist
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| 14 April 2008 |
Season 5, Episode 14: Winky-Dink Time
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| 21 April 2008 |
Season 5, Episode 15: Rough Night in Hump Junction
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| 28 April 2008 |
Season 5, Episode 16: Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
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| 5 May 2008 |
Season 5, Episode 17: Fish in a Drawer
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| 12 May 2008 |
Season 5, Episode 18: If My Hole Could Talk
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| 19 May 2008 |
Season 5, Episode 19: Waiting for the Right Snapper
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| Season 6 | |
| 22 September 2008 |
Season 6, Episode 1: Taterhead Is Our Love Child
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| 29 September 2008 |
Season 6, Episode 2: Pie Hole, Herb
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| 6 October 2008 |
Season 6, Episode 3: Damn You, Eggs Benedict
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| 13 October 2008 |
Season 6, Episode 4: The Flavin' and the Mavin'
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| 20 October 2008 |
Season 6, Episode 5: A Jock Strap in Hell
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| 3 November 2008 |
Season 6, Episode 6: It's Always Nazi Week
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| 10 November 2008 |
Season 6, Episode 7: Best H.O. Money Can Buy
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| 17 November 2008 |
Season 6, Episode 8: Pinocchio's Mouth
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| 24 November 2008 |
Season 6, Episode 9: The Mooch at the Boo
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| 8 December 2008 |
Season 6, Episode 10: He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
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| 15 December 2008 |
Season 6, Episode 11: The Devil's Lube
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| 12 January 2009 |
Season 6, Episode 12: Thank God for Scoliosis
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| 19 January 2009 |
Season 6, Episode 13: I Think You Offended Don
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| 2 February 2009 |
Season 6, Episode 14: David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
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| 9 February 2009 |
Season 6, Episode 15: I'd Like to Start with the Cat
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| 2 March 2009 |
Season 6, Episode 16: She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
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| 9 March 2009 |
Season 6, Episode 17: The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
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| 16 March 2009 |
Season 6, Episode 18: My Son's Enormous Head
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| 30 March 2009 |
Season 6, Episode 19: The Two Finger Rule
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| 13 April 2009 |
Season 6, Episode 20: Hello, I am Alan Cousteau
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| 27 April 2009 |
Season 6, Episode 21: Above Exalted Cyclops
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| 4 May 2009 |
Season 6, Episode 22: Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
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| 11 May 2009 |
Season 6, Episode 23: Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
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| 18 May 2009 |
Season 6, Episode 24: Baseball Was Better with Steroids
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| Season 7 | |
| 21 September 2009 |
Season 7, Episode 1: 818-jklpuzo
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| 28 September 2009 |
Season 7, Episode 2: Whipped Unto the Third Generation
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| 5 October 2009 |
Season 7, Episode 3: Mmm, Fish. Yum.
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| 12 October 2009 |
Season 7, Episode 4: Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
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| 19 October 2009 |
Season 7, Episode 5: For the Sake of the Child
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| 2 November 2009 |
Season 7, Episode 6: Give Me Your Thumb
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| 9 November 2009 |
Season 7, Episode 7: Untainted by Filth
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| 16 November 2009 |
Season 7, Episode 8: Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
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| 23 November 2009 |
Season 7, Episode 9: Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
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| 7 December 2009 |
Season 7, Episode 10: That's Why They Call It Ball Room
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| 14 December 2009 |
Season 7, Episode 11: Warning, It's Dirty
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| 11 January 2010 |
Season 7, Episode 12: Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
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| 18 January 2010 |
Season 7, Episode 13: Yay, No Polyps
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| 1 February 2010 |
Season 7, Episode 14: Crude and Uncalled For
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| 8 February 2010 |
Season 7, Episode 15: Aye, Aye, Captain
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| 1 March 2010 |
Season 7, Episode 16: Tinkle Like a Princess
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| 8 March 2010 |
Season 7, Episode 17: I Found Your Moustache
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| 22 March 2010 |
Season 7, Episode 18: Ixnay on the Oggie Day
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| 12 April 2010 |
Season 7, Episode 19: Season 7, Episode 19
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| 10 May 2010 |
Season 7, Episode 20: I Called Him Magoo
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| 17 May 2010 |
Season 7, Episode 21: Gumby With a Pokey
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| 24 May 2010 |
Season 7, Episode 22: This Is Not Gonna End Well
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| Season 8 | |
| 20 September 2010 |
Season 8, Episode 1: Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
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| 27 September 2010 |
Season 8, Episode 2: A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
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| 4 October 2010 |
Season 8, Episode 3: A Pudding-Filled Cactus
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| 11 October 2010 |
Season 8, Episode 4: Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
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| 18 October 2010 |
Season 8, Episode 5: The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
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| 25 October 2010 |
Season 8, Episode 6: Twanging Your Magic Clanger
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| 1 November 2010 |
Season 8, Episode 7: The Crazy Bitch Gazette
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| 8 Nov 2010 |
Season 8, Episode 8: Springtime on a Stick
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| 15 November 2010 |
Season 8, Episode 9: A Good Time in Central Africa
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| 22 November 2010 |
Season 8, Episode 10: Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
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| 6 December 2010 |
Season 8, Episode 11: Dead From The Waist Down
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| 13 December 2010 |
Season 8, Episode 12: Chocolate Diddlers Or My Puppy's Dead
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| 3 January 2011 |
Season 8, Episode 13: Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup
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| 17 January 2011 |
Season 8, Episode 14: Lookin' for Japanese Subs
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| 7 February 2011 |
Season 8, Episode 15: Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
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| 14 February 2011 |
Season 8, Episode 16: That Darn Priest
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| Season 9 | |
| 19 September 2011 |
Season 9, Episode 1: Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
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| 26 September 2011 |
Season 9, Episode 2: People Who Love Peepholes
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| 3 October 2011 |
Season 9, Episode 3: Big Girls Don't Throw Food
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| 10 October 2011 |
Season 9, Episode 4: Nine Magic Fingers
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| 17 October 2011 |
Season 9, Episode 5: Giant Cat Holding Churro
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| 24 October 2011 |
Season 9, Episode 6: The Squat and The Hover
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| 31 October 2011 |
Season 9, Episode 7: Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
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| 7 November 2011 |
Season 9, Episode 8: Thank You For The Intercourse
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| 14 November 2011 |
Season 9, Episode 9: Frodo?s Headshots
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| 21 November 2011 |
Season 9, Episode 10: A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
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| 5 December 2011 |
Season 9, Episode 11: What a Lovely Landing Strip
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| 12 December 2011 |
Season 9, Episode 12: One False Move, Zimbabwe!
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| 2 January 2012 |
Season 9, Episode 13: Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
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| 16 January 2012 |
Season 9, Episode 14: A Possum on Chemo
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| 6 February 2012 |
Season 9, Episode 15: The Duchess of Dull-In-Sack
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| 13 February 2012 |
Season 9, Episode 16: Sips, Sonnets And Sodomy
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| 20 February 2012 |
Season 9, Episode 17: Not In My Mouth
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| 27 February 2012 |
Season 9, Episode 18: The War Against Gingivitis
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| 19 March 2012 |
Season 9, Episode 19: Palmdale, Ech
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| 9 April 2012 |
Season 9, Episode 20: Grandma's Pie
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| 16 April 2012 |
Season 9, Episode 21: Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'
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| 30 April 2012 |
Season 9, Episode 22: Why We Gave Up Women
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| 7 May 2012 |
Season 9, Episode 23: The Straw In My Donut Hole
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| 14 May 2012 |
Season 9, Episode 24: Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
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| Season 10 | |
| 27 September 2012 |
Season 10, Episode 1: I Changed My Mind About the Milk
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| 4 October 2012 |
Season 10, Episode 2: A Big Bag of Dog
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| 11 October 2012 |
Season 10, Episode 3: Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
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| 18 October 2012 |
Season 10, Episode 4: You Do Know What The Lollipop Is For
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| 25 October 2012 |
Season 10, Episode 5: That's Not What They Call It In Amsterdam
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| 1 November 2012 |
Season 10, Episode 6: Ferrets, Attack!
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| 8 November 2012 |
Season 10, Episode 7: Avoid the Chinese Mustard
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| 15 November 2012 |
Season 10, Episode 8: Something My Gynecologist Said
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| 29 November 2012 |
Season 10, Episode 9: I Scream When I Pee
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| 6 December 2012 |
Season 10, Episode 10: One Nut Johnson
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| 13 December 2012 |
Season 10, Episode 11: Give Santa A Tail-Hole
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| 3 January 2013 |
Season 10, Episode 12: Welcome to Alancrest
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| 10 January 2013 |
Season 10, Episode 13: Grab A Feather And Get In Line
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| 31 January 2013 |
Season 10, Episode 14: Run, Steven Staven! Run!
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| 7 February 2013 |
Season 10, Episode 15: Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
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| 14 February 2013 |
Season 10, Episode 16: Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
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| 21 February 2013 |
Season 10, Episode 17: Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
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| 7 March 2013 |
Season 10, Episode 18: The 9:04 From Pemberton
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| 14 March 2013 |
Season 10, Episode 19: Big Episode. Someone Stole A Spoon
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| 25 April 2013 |
Season 10, Episode 21: Another Night With Neil Diamond
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| 2 May 2013 |
Season 10, Episode 22: My Bodacious Vidalia
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